Crushed
September 25th, 2007
It was a pleasant evening. There was soft breeze and the evening sky was peaceful and still. We sat on the edge of the street under the mundane glow of a street lamp and watched as children raced across the way, laughing and playing. I enjoyed being there with her. Even if we hadn’t said a word to each other, to know she was beside me was enough for me. I savored every moment and thanked God for this brief moment of perfection.
We talked about random things, about little things, about my visit to Miami, about church service and about us. Up to this point neither of us expressed openly about our relationship. We did not talk about where we stood nor where it was going. Much like the gentle, pleasant breeze that swirled around us, we simply enjoyed the moments as they came. But then there was an unsettling silence and I looked over at her as her eyes fixated towards the horizon. Her gaze, as if lost in deep thought, instilled a mystery that pulled me even closer to her. I always wondered what she thought about out. But before I could ask she looked over at me, smiling at first, then looked at the street beneath her.
“I have something to tell you.” she said with hesitation. I cold chill raced up the spine of my back. Whenever she started a conversation with these words it’s almost never a good thing.
I braced myself.
“I missed you while you were away. I don’t know why since nothing’s changed in how often I see you.” I was flabbergasted. Did she just just admit to missing me? I was instantly filled with relief and a warm joy.
“You missed me?” I asked with with every desire to hear her say it again.
“Yes, and I didn’t like that feeling. I think I need to be more distant from you.” My heart sank and just like that I was crushed. My mind began to race in confusion hoping to find the cause — or at least to find understanding. As my thoughts raced frantically my mouth remained silent.